Never Forget

Never Forget

My sixteenth birthday party was normal until that night when I went to bed. In the middle of the night I heard a whisper in my head for help. When I awoke I thought it was a dream, but I felt this nudge from someone to get out of bed. When I got into to the living room I found my mom wheezing for air. At first I panicked and my mind went dead. I did not know what to do. The moment I saw my mom stop breathing put life in perspective for me. Surprisingly, I ran to the phone and dialed 911. Talking on the phone made me frantic and unfocused.
Finally, I gasped a massive breath when the ambulance pulled up. Relieved, worried, and distressed compacted all the feelings I experienced the moment the paramedics arrived. Seeing my mom in that gloomy state was depressing. As they took my mom in the ambulance and drove off it felt like they took part of my heart with them and it became broken. After that, I could barely remember what happened; it did not even feel like I was there. My mind became unfocused; especially knowing my dad was gone and didn‘t know about what was happening. Thankfully, within five minutes my friend Gretchen pulled into my driveway to give me support and drive me to the hospital.
The five minute ride to the hospital felt like it took an hour. My heart was racing every moment of the way; Gretchen was worried about me because my eyes looked gloomy and red. My mind felt like it was there for hours. Within three hours my dad came rushing into the waiting room. I had never seen my dad so concerned, with tears in his eyes. Five hours later my mom was put into a room and was done being tested. They told us how she was doing and that she would hopefully pull through this trial. When I heard the news, it scared me because they said she might not be able to live through that complication.
Every night during the next week I brought my homework, a movie, and a game up to her room to spend the most time with her I could. During this time I expected that she would be coming home next week; by the end of the week she was 75 percent better than she was at the beginning of the week. Little did I know, the next day she went from the top of the peak to the deep valley. That day she went into a coma. Saying good-bye to her the night before was the last time I could talk to her. I regretted not saying more to her, but at least I said ‘I love you,’ and she said it back. Those words will stay in my mind for the rest of my life.
Seeing my mom in pain and laying there helpless is by far the worst picture I have had in my head. Watching someone suffer, I think might be worse than going through it myself. Knowing that I could not help my mom broke my heart. Seeing my friends sometimes just made it worse. All I wanted was my personal time and did not want to see anyone. Everyone asked the same questions. I got sick of answering them.
Vividly, I remember what I was thinking. I remember asking God why are You doing this to me, what’s wrong with me, and being jealous of others who would not have to go through something to this extent. In a dream God responded to me with, “Trust in me and I will show you the answers to your questions.” Believing what God said was the biggest test on my faith I will ever face. I still questioned God, but I strongly believed that someone could not just ignore a moment in their life like the trial God put before me.
That night I went in my mom’s room by myself and just talked to her openly as I firmly held her hand. My emotions poured out and never stopped. The thoughts kept on surfacing and my mouth kept on going; as it happened, I felt my mom squeeze harder every moment I spoke. I did not want her to leave my side at all, but I will always remember what she said. She came out of her coma for a short time; no one else saw it happen but me. She said, “Lauren, you will be fine. I will be with you in your heart forever. God is here with you and will always be by your side.” I thought God was talking to me through my mom; it felt like a dream. That moment dramatically changed my perspectives. I realized she wanted to go home and to be free of the pain she had.
The next day, my mom passed away from cancer. When I looked at my mom’s parents, my grandpa was sobbing and my grandma sat there in silence. I remember walking into my mom’s room and seeing her lifeless. Once I saw her my feet were glued to the floor and my eyes felt like they fell out. I could not focus on anything the rest of the day. All I did was go back to Gretchen’s house, relax, and read. My body felt like it partially passed out; I could not move parts of my body. I needed a day with my music, God, and the Bible. The cell phone rang non-stop; I did not even reach for it. My mind felt dead and I went to bed early.
The moment my mom stopped breathing put life in perspective for me. At this point in my life my beliefs were on the line. I could either look to God for comfort and shelter or turn away from Him. In the end my mind became bombarded with thoughts I never had before. That night I received peace from God, and I realized I would be fine. I just remember what my mom said, “Lauren, you will be fine. I will be with you in your heart forever. God is here with you and will always be by your side.”